What's in a Word Part 1 - What to Say

Have you ever been in one those situations where you later realized that you could have had a much better result if you had used different words? I know I have. I would bet that most of us have been in a situation like that. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are trying to achieve that we just bulldoze our way to it without thinking about how to most effectively get there.

This 4-part series of blog posts will shed a little light on how using the right words may help lead you to clearer communication and greater success not just in business, but in everyday life!

What are words? You might define them as “sounds and syllables grouped individually or together to convey specific information.” That is my definition, and if I take it at face value, I can see that there are many, many ways to convey information based on the words I use.

Back to bull dozing our way to an objective: let’s say you need some documentation from someone, perhaps a signed contract or a copy of an invoice. Let’s also say you need said documentation yesterday, so it is urgent that you receive it as soon as possible. In this digital age, you might type up an email as your first method of obtaining the information. Email is terrific because it allows you the time to think about what you want to say, say it, and then erase it and replace it if you need to. Phone calls don’t let you do this…more about that in a minute. You’re now frantically typing that email to the person from which you need to obtain the documentation and you are at a crossroads. What should you say? How should you phrase it? What words should you use in order to get the quickest response?

These are all valid questions, and ones I run into on a daily basis. Let me give you two examples of what you could say, and which one will yield the best result.

Example 1: Hello! I need this document today. Thanks.

Example 2: Hello! I am so sorry to come to you so urgently but if you could please provide this document at your earliest convenience today, I would so greatly appreciate it! Thanks so much for your assistance!

There you go. I asked the same exact question in two completely different ways. Which one do you think would get the better response? Why?

Let me break it down: Example 1 is all about me and my needs with absolutely no regard as to how my needs are a burden to the other person. It is direct, demanding, and comes across in a negative way.

Example 2 is different in so many ways. First of all, and most importantly, it is filled with humility and gratitude. Secondly, it is not in any way demanding but still conveys the urgent need for the requested information. It starts off with acknowledgement of the burden on the receiving party and then also thanks them for their help.

So, what IS in a word (or a sentence)? EVERYTHING! If I got an email like example 1, I would be angry at this person. Angry for their lack of preparation and then expectation that everyone else drop they are doing to help them avert a crisis. On the flip side, if I got an email like example 2, I would happily stop what I am doing and retrieve the document for the person because I can tell that they are truly grateful for the assist and they are apologetic in their approach.

But what if you needed to make a phone call instead of sending an email (I know, I know, this is an archaic method of communication that should never be heard of again HAHA!!)? You would say the exact same thing! If it is someone you know well, start off your call with some chit chat or shoot the breeze for a minute. Then move on to the purpose of your call: “Hey, it’s so great to chat but I’m actually calling for some assistance. When you have a brief moment today, could you please send me this document. I just realized I need it and am so sorry to ask you for it at the last minute, but I really appreciate your help!”

I have literally said those exact words to clients and colleagues many times and guess what, I get what I want in a matter of minutes!

If I called them up and said “send me this document right now” do you think I would get anything? NOPE!

As I mentioned earlier, when making a phone call, you don’t have the ability to erase and replace what you have said with something more effective so when you are actually speaking to someone, or about to speak to someone, know what you are going to say! Practice saying the words out loud so that you know how they sound and how they feel. Imagine if someone was asking you what you are asking of the other person and how you would respond. It’s cliché but treat others as you wish to be treated really does apply here. Speak to others as you wish to be spoken to and you will see great success with your communication!

Stay tuned for part 2!

Running the Race or Chasing the Dream...

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." ~ Mary Manin Morrissey~


So it's been a while since I posted anything new on here...things have been crazy to say the least! I was just reading Here's Your Life, Would You Like Paper or Plastic? when I realized that it is time to write a sequel...

I must start by restating the question that defined that original post: WHAT IS YOUR DREAM AND ARE YOU DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO ATTAIN IT? It just occurred to me that many of us may not even know what our dream is until it shows up on our front door step...that is, if you are lucky enough for it to just show up. More often than not, if you don't know what your dream is, then you will likely never find it, or have it find you.

I stated my dream in that original post but here is a tidbit of it in case you didn’t go back and read it: I’m a musician…I want to get paid to play…music!  What could possibly be better than making a living doing what you love to do, when you want to do it, because you want to do it?  It’s hard to know where to even begin the path to achieving what you want most but I think that by simply knowing exactly what you want, you will attract it…or at the very least find yourself on the right track to getting it.

That happened to me!  I have known for 2 years now that I wanted my career to be in music.  I initially wanted to teach high school and that is what I strived for.  Gradually I began to feel like I belonged in an ensemble rather than in front of one so in November (2011) I changed my major from Music Ed. to Music.  Once I did that, it seems that the pieces just fell into place…

One Wednesday at my private lesson, my teacher said that he had been contacted by the local Marine recruiter to see if he had any students (clarinet students) that would be interested in joining the Marine Corps as a musician.  I had been considering the military as a career option for a while (although not very seriously considering it) but it had been on the back burner so I could finish school.  But when my teacher asked if I would be interested in meeting with the recruiter, I said YES!  A meeting was set and a week later, we (my teacher and I) met with the recruiter.

I’ll spare you the details of our meeting (and the one’s that followed over the next couple of weeks) but just know that I did my research, asked my questions (many of them), and thought long and hard before making my decision.  After about 3 weeks, I decided that this was the opportunity I had been waiting for, or better yet, had been waiting for me.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and I know what opportunity looks like so I decided to go for it.

I received about 15 pages of technical exercises (stuff that is used to determine how well (or badly) an instrumentalist can play) and instructions on what to have prepared for the first “round” of my audition.  I practiced those exercises nearly every day for about 2 weeks so I could get everything just right. 

I did the first part of my audition on January 20^th and passed with flying colors :)  After that, my live audition was scheduled for February 3^rd…and I also passed that.  I was a little bit nervous for it but I felt prepared and knew that if I just played my best then things would turn out the way they were meant to turn out.  Well, I passed!  I got a high enough score that I even get to choose where I am stationed!!

So, enough about that for a minute, the whole point of this is to prove that no matter your circumstances, your commitments, or your doubts, if you KNOW what you want, you CAN get it.  Put aside all the “what if’s” and “but’s” and just go for it.  The only failure is in not trying.  Had I let my doubts get in the way and not auditioned, I still wouldn’t know what to do with my life and I would have passed up what is probably the best opportunity I have ever been presented with. 

How many times have you passed up what may have been THE opportunity of a lifetime because you THOUGHT you couldn’t do it?  You can’t go through life thinking that you can’t do something, you have to KNOW that you CAN do it! 

I know that the road ahead is going to be tough and that I will want to throw in the towel more than once, but my success will come by holding on to the towel…and probably using it to wipe sweat off my face a few times :)  

So, to sound like a broken record, are YOU doing what needs to be done to attain what you want in YOUR life??  It‘s a simple question really.  Are you just running through your life with no clear goal to run to or are you chasing your dream all the way to the finish line??  I can now say that I am 100% chasing my dream…actually, I have caught it and am pushing full steam ahead to the finish line.  My only wish is that more people can step outside of themselves, be a little uncomfortable, and reap the rewards for going after whatever it is that they desire!

Thanks for reading, I know it was a doozy :)

Remember when...

"We are flooded with data but starved for wisdom" ~Margaret Kelly~

I have returned from my blogging hiatus (aka: my awesome vacation) and I have a whole slew of new things to rant about!! So, as to not waste anymore time, here goes the first one!

Do you ever notice how our lives are ran by our electronic devices these days? I'm not that old but even I remember when a text message message meant you were sitting down to write a letter to someone!

In the process of making everything in life quicker and easier, we have also made it more complicated. Think about it...computers and the Internet and smartphones are amazing, as long as they function properly. I can't count the number of times my day has come to a screeching halt because my computer decided to freeze or the Internet connection was cut for some reason. I can't do much of anything at work if my electronics aren't working. I am crippled like a car with no motor when that happens. It makes me wonder how people got work done 20 years ago...

When I was a kid we had a yellow rotary telephone, no call waiting, answering machine or voice mail, no computer until I was a teenager, no Xbox or playstation, and certainly no ipod. I had a Walkman and a stunning collection of cassette tapes on which I recorded my favorite songs from the radio. If I wanted to talk to someone on the phone I had to actually pick up the phone and dial the number (which took about 5 minutes on that lovely yellow phone!) and pray that the other person was actually home to answer my call. If I was bored (not a smart thing to be in our house unless you wanted some super uncool farm chores to do!) I went outside and found or made up things to do. Would you believe that even without all of these things that today's kids HAVE to have, I turned out pretty good (if I do say so myself!!)

The only facebooks we had were comics and picture books, snail mail (or morse code) was THE way to send messages and information to people, and cell phones were the size of cinder blocks (not to mention as expensive as some small foreign cars)! My personal favorite from the "pre-technology" era is that when you called the 800 number on your bank statement (or whatever) because you had a question, a real live breathing person actually answered the phone (OMG you mean real people used to do that??)

Life ran at a much slower pace back then and sometimes (ok most of the time) I wish it still did. Even with the convenience that modern technology has given us, I think it has taken something away from us as well. People don't seem to want to talk to each other anymore...they just text or email them instead. I'm as guilty as the next guy of this because texting is so convenient and can be done inconspicuously but it's a little ridiculous when you are trying to have a face to face conversation with someone and their phone won't shut up or when you are trying to teach a bunch of kids and they just have their eyeballs and fingers glued to their phones. I remember when cell phones weren't even an issue in school because nobody had one...we just had to worry about getting caught passing notes in class instead!

I'm not saying that technology is all bad, after all I am laying on my couch typing this post on my iPad as we speak, but if some kind of disaster were to come along and wipe out our electronics' capabilities, life as we know it would come to an abrupt stop. If no one knows how we functioned before technology, then we will have no way of recovering from such a disaster.

Besides, life is too short and much too valuable to just blast through it at a million miles an hour...I think people in general would be much happier if they just slowed down a little bit and "disconnected" themselves from the world every now and then. It's actually quite liberating to turn your phone off or ignore your emails and just live without the cyber distractions that constantly bombard our neurons. With that, I'm done for the night...don't try to call or message me as my phone, iPad, and computer are being turned off for the night :)

You Mean I'm NOT Superwoman??

(A continuation of my last post…)

Not to burst my own bubble or anything, but I’m really NOT Superwoman.  That sucks.  All this time I thought I could do anything and everything all at the same time and never bat an eyelash…

I’ll be the first to admit that I put a lot on my plate all the time and usually forget to make a space on that plate for myself.  I am always doing, being, or working for someone else.  As a mom, I’m always doing for my son, as a student I’m always doing for my teachers (although school is for myself but it’s very demanding), and as an employee I’m always doing for my boss.  Pretty much I don’t have time to just “do” for myself which is not a good thing.

As you probably already know from reading my post, Enablers and the Addicts Who Make Them, I have had to put on my strong face many times in the past and the way that I did that was to keep myself ridiculously busy so that I didn’t have time to think about what was going on at home.  What you didn’t get from that post is that I have been going it alone as a married-single mom for the last 3ish years while my husband serves the sentence received for his conviction.  So, to recap, I’m a full-time mom, full-time student, and basically full-time employee…this is where my superwoman complex comes in.

I keep my strong face on all the time and just bulldoze my way through any obstacle life throws at me…most of the time.  Unfortunately, there are those rare occasions when even I break down and realize that I can’t be strong for everyone all the time.  I hate those times.  I hate feeling weak and vulnerable and having doubts that I can do everything I have committed to.  I’m not a complainer so when things start to get rough, I just keep them in and deal with them.  I know there are plenty of other people out there with much harder circumstances than me so I don’t feel that I have the right to complain.  After all, I CHOSE my circumstances.  I chose to stick by my husband, I chose to return to college…these were my choices to make so I don’t complain about the outcomes I get from them.

Luckily for me, I have a loving supportive husband and the best friends and family a girl could ask for who will always lend me their ears to vent to and/or shoulders to cry on.  They remind me that it’s okay to take my game face off every now and then and just do for myself for a while.  It’s amazing how recharged you feel after a nice long talk with a good friend or after stealing some of your time back from everyone & everything that takes it from you.  It’s like being in a torrential rainstorm with clouds as black as night and then all of a sudden, the sun breaks through and the rain goes away J

So, I leave you with this thought for the day: You can please everyone sometimes and someone every time, but you can’t please everyone all the time.  Embrace the imperfections and disappointments that come your way and learn from them.  Make the choice to LIVE your life regardless of the circumstances you are handed and don’t forget to keep some of your precious time for yourself every now and then!

It's OK to be Selfish...Sometimes

Have you ever been so drained (physically, mentally, emotionally, maybe all 3…) that you felt like you were on auto pilot?  I have…last occurrence was about 2 weeks ago!  Now, before I elaborate on the real topic of this post, let me just explain a little about my life at the moment.  I am a full-time mom (currently single but only for about 7 more months), full-time student, and close enough to full-time employee.  Any one of those things alone is enough to wear you down, combine them all together and you’re bound to have a meltdown or two.

So, last month, we were in the middle of the performance run for the musical at the college which means that for 2 weeks straight, I woke up at 6:30 am, got myself and the 4 year old ready, took him to pre-school and me to work by 8:45, went to school at 11, back to work at 1:30, back to school again at 5:30, down to the pit (area under the stage where the musicians sit) at 6:30, played the show starting at 7:30, left school between 10:30 & 11:00, picked up the 4 year old from the babysitter’s, got home between 11:00 & 11:30, did homework till 1:30 am or so and finally got to sleep.  I’m pretty sure I lost track of what day it was at some point due to the 4 year old getting sick and puking all night one night so 2 of those days blended into one really loooooong day. 

Anyway, by the time the last few nights of the show rolled around I was so drained that I was definitely on auto pilot.  You know you are exhausted when you walk by one of your professors and the first words out of their mouth are “wow, you look tired!”  Tired doesn’t even begin to describe what I felt like that day.  If I were my cell phone, I would have had that flashing red battery light going off like crazy saying “warning, 1% battery remaining” J 

I sat down and had a relaxing conversation with a great friend and began to feel my batteries recharge (slowly).  In the midst of that conversation I realized that I had been (and still am) devoting ALL of my time and energy to everyone else and none to myself.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can only go so long without some “me” time before I just start to shut down.  I was at that shut down point.  So, I did, only for a few minutes though.  Like a computer, I shut down for a minute, rebooted, and felt better!  I was still really tired but mentally I felt refreshed.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because as parents, students, employees, spouses, etc. we are constantly required to give as much of ourselves as possible to someone else and rarely have time to realize that we haven’t given anything to ourselves.  We can only do that for so long before the quality of what we give to others goes down.  So, my solution: BE SELFISH!  Not all the time of course, but make time for yourself to recharge your batteries and reboot your system.  Whether it’s a jog around the block, date night with friends, a drive by yourself in the car, do it.  Steal back some of your precious time and energy from everyone else and keep it.  You will be so glad that you did and everyone around you will notice.  My challenge to you for today: PLAN 30 MINUTES THIS WEEK THAT YOU WILL DEVOTE TO YOURSELF.  Feel free to post a comment with what you do to recharge yourself and go ahead, be a little selfish, you deserve it!

Here’s your life, would you like paper or plastic??

Have you ever noticed that life seems so scripted these days?  It’s like you wait in line to be handed a life that someone else thinks you should have.  They bag it up, give you instructions on how to use it and send you on your way.  Think about it, when we are 4 or 5 years old we start school.  For the next 12 or so years, we are groomed and taught according to a system that may or may not be severely flawed at this point and after that, we find a job working for someone else.  We are taught to believe that that is simply what you do with yourself when you graduate high school (quite often while you are still in high school).  You run your life according to someone else’s rules & schedule.  You go to work, punch a time clock, sacrifice an ungodly amount of your time to someone who may or may not appreciate you, punch the time clock again (with your fist if you’re lucky) and then go home just to get up and do it again the next day.  Sounds more like indentured servitude to me… 

Even your lifestyle is determined by someone else.  If you work for someone that pays you $25.00 per hour and works you 60 hours per week you may end up with lots of money but you would have no time to have a life…on the other hand, if you work for someone who pays you $8.00 per hour but only works you 20 hours per week, you would have all kinds of time to have a life but absolutely no money.  The hard reality is you don’t get to have both…in real life you get to have one or the other: money or time.  The car you drive, house/neighborhood you live in, school your kids attend, clothes you wear, etc are all determined by someone else.  We are like robots with pre-programmed choices that we have little to no control over. 

Personally, I think life should be more like a buffet—choose as much as you want of as much as you want and if you really like something, go back for more!  Lately (as in the past year or so), I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I really want to do with my life.  After all, I’m 28 so I should probably start figuring that out.  A very close friend/teacher/mentor of mine has always said “chase your dream” to me and all of the other students in our department at school (for those of you that don’t know, I am in college working on my Bachelor degree).  That phrase has stuck with me.  I have realized that life doesn’t have to be a series of canned presentations and scripts but rather a journey full of choices, risks, failures & successes, heartbreaks, sorrows, rewards, and ultimately, happiness.  The only way to fully experience that journey is to chase your own dream(s). 

So let me pose a question to you all: What is your dream and are you doing what it takes to attain it?  Once more, WHAT IS YOUR DREAM AND ARE YOU DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO ATTAIN IT?  If you don’t write it down and/or say it out loud, you will never really know what it is and neither will anyone else.  I have realized that once I put it out in the world what my dream is, people all around me were excited and ready to help me achieve it. So here it is (again)…

I am a musician…I eat, sleep, and breathe music.  It’s my love, my passion, and my life.  Of course I’m also a mom, wife, and daughter, but music is what makes me tick.  My dream is to teach other musicians how to fine tune their craft and help them reach their dreams as well.  I want to perform (and get paid for it), teach (and get paid for it), and write/arrange music (and get paid for it)!!  That is my dream…I want to get paid to play…music!  What could possibly be better than making a living doing what you love to do, when you want to do it, because you want to do it?  Then you do get to have time AND money!  Someone else is still writing your paychecks but you’re working & living according to your own terms and that, I think, is what it’s really all about.  That’s what true freedom is and that is my dream.

Sometimes, chasing our dreams can seem all but impossible.  Life itself gets in the way and derails even the best made plans.  My suggestion: have a plan but keep it flexible.  Know that life will interrupt you along the way and will sometimes force you to put your dreams on hold for a bit, but always make sure you come back to them as soon as you get LIFE mopped up and out of your way.  99% of the time we are our own worst enemies because we will have one little (like nanogram little) setback and we throw in the towel because it’s too “hard” to keep going.  And then we fall back into our canned life because it’s comfortable and “easy.” Really??  Spinning your wheels in static motion is easy?  Sounds tiring (pun intended) to me.  If you’re not moving forward in your journey, you need to make a change.  Get some traction under those wheels and get moving. 

I think that is a big part of the problems our country (and world) face right now.  We all get complacent in what we are doing and when one tiny little thing goes wrong, we use it as an excuse to just do nothing.  100 years ago, if you thought like that, you didn’t survive.  Do you think a farmer in 1911 whose crops were wiped out by floods just threw in the towel and said “oh well, I guess I’ll just sit here and starve to death with my family because I suck at being a farmer”?  NO…they dug in their heels and found a way to make the best of what they had.  They figured out how to make the best of a bad set of circumstances.  They changed their thinking and then used whatever they had to make it work because they HAD to.  They couldn’t just go down the street to the grocery store and buy what they needed for the week...

How do I know this you ask?  Because, if people over the centuries had just thrown in the towel when LIFE got in their way, I would not be here right now typing this ridiculously long blog post on my widescreen laptop computer and you would not be there reading it on yours.   Progress happens when we decide not to throw in the towel but just to get it wet and clean up the messes that life puts in our way. 

That is all for tonight.  I invite you to post a comment and tell the world what YOUR dream is and then don’t be afraid to go after it.  It’s never too late to change your life and become what you always wanted to be.  To sound a little cliché, “where there’s a will, there’s a way”…words to live by!