6 Things That are Never the Same As a Mother

As moms we learn very quickly that life is never the same once children are added to the mix. What was once a controlled environment is now complete chaos with no order and generally no end in sight. As I was leaving work today, I happened to look into my purse and I see the following: stuffed panda bear from the safari park, one green binky with strap, half a dozen cocoa puffs, wub-a-nub (stuffed animal with binky attached), and miniature pair of sunglasses. 

Knowing that none of these things (except maybe the cocoa puffs…) were mine, I immediately giggled and thought to myself “typical mom purse!”

That thought then lead me down the path of other things that are definitively “mom-” once we have children. Sit back and enjoy the ride on this train of thought with me!

The top 6 things that are NEVER the same once you have children:

YOUR BODY

Aside from the 9 months of rib-spreading, hip-widening, skin-stretching baby growth that occurs, our bodies are never really the same once we have our first child. Mulitply that by the number of additional children you may have and holy bananas you have just aged yourself by like 200 years...whoa. But really, we are built for it. Women are tough. Our bodies create, house, and then push out these miniature humans and then we go back to our daily business within a pretty immediate period of time. Grab your glass of wine and toast with me because YOUR BODY IS AMAZING! 

Some of the things I noticed in my own body that became notably worse with baby #2 and will never go back to the way they were pre-children: my feet are like 2 inches wider than they used to be. Apparently this pesky hormone called relaxin is the culprit. It is also responsible for allowing our hips to move and the birth canal to become wide enough for the baby’s head to fit through. Okay, I guess that is necessary, but seriously, why do our feet have to become these paddles attached to our legs by our puffy little cankles and then never go away? So not fair. 

My “baby pouch” has also never gone away. You know what I mean--that loose part of your belly that no matter how many crunches or planks you do, NEVER GOES AWAY. If you have not yet had to deal with the lifelong baby pouch, congratulations. Just another daily reminder that our bodies, while totally awesome, will always bare the marks of pregnancy.

My hair is ridiculous. Seriously, I got so spoiled by my beautiful, shiny hair during my last pregnancy. In the 21 months since them, it has thinned out to where I’m almost certain I’m bald in a few spots, it is dry, super fine, and generally lifeless. This is why I live almost exclusively in hair-status: struggle bun. 

Stretch marks are like my shadow, follow me everywhere. My hips are now permanent seats for my baby to sit on while I’m standing...and the list goes on. 

YOUR HOUSE

Let’s face it, even the most neurotic of clean freaks can’t keep up with miniature people that destroy everything the moment it is cleaned. My advice: let it go and pay someone else to do the deep cleaning once a month while everyone is out of the house. At least then you aren’t cleaning and trying to wrangle the little devils all at the same time and the house will feel loved for a minute or two. In addition, your sanity will also be saved because you just delegated a necessary task to someone else (another toast, raise your glass!). 

I was never the tidiest person to start with but having kids took that to an entirely new level. I don’t even try to put things away anymore because inevitably, it won’t last. I do pay someone to come and do my deep cleaning once every 3-4 weeks and it seriously is the best thing! I don’t have to stress about trying to clean the whole house and spend my weekends working harder than I do during the week, I help out another mom who is trying to earn some extra cash, and my house gets to be clean for at least a few hours every month. Of course it only lasts until hubby and kids get home, but it’s enough to keep me sane for another few weeks.

YOUR PURSE

That should say purse-diaper bag-snack pack-catchall. Because for reals, your purse becomes the place where all of the things go. I have found used tissues, partially eaten pop-tarts, extra (or missing) binkies, dry cereal, stuffed animals, sippy cups, and diaper rash cream in my purse more than once...thankfully not all at the same time but I’m sure you can relate. Again, this is what inspired this entire article--your purse is no longer YOUR purse. It is the family purse and as such, will hold everything that everyone needs or doesn’t need or maybe will need at some point in the next 24 hours. Just laugh it off, they’re only little for a while...and then they’ll just find bigger things to put in your purse…

YOUR CAR

Just like your purse and house, your car is never the same. It is always dirty, messy, sticky, stinky, or crammed full of everyone else’s stuff. I have totally given up on a clean car. I have owned my current car for exactly 1 year and 10 days and have cleaned it out a total of 4 times. It’s kind of a quarterly thing for me...because if I tried to keep it clean any more often, I’d literally have to clean it out every single day, two or three times per day. At least it is just a machine and still runs well, regardless of how dirty the inside is. Disclaimer: my car is sanitary and not a total pigpen...it just has smashed crackers, ripped up mail, and empty water bottles all over the place.

YOUR MEMORY

This is a big one. Who here suffers from regular bouts of momnesia?? Anyone? I know I’m not the only one. You know what I’m talking about. Things you used to be sharp as a tack on now take days of thought processing just to recall. You can’t remember what you need from the grocery store unless it’s written down. Most of the time your keys are in some undisclosed and unknown location, your phone is locatable if it rings (hopefully it’s not dead or on silent), and you don’t remember if you showered this morning or not. I promise you this is normal. My theory is that once your first child is born, you donate every single available brain cell to that child. This process is repeated for each successive child so you have no spare brain power left. You just have enough to keep you alive and running on autopilot...hopefully haha!

YOUR HEART

Lastly, and most importantly, your heart is never the same. You think you know what love is before you have kids. You love your parents, close friends, and family members but NOTHING will ever come close to the love you experience for your children. I remember during my daughter’s pregnancy that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to love 2 children enough. That I wouldn’t be able to give her as much love as I’d want to since I already had her brother to love. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love him as much I had for the past 9 years (yes, there is a 9 year gap between my kids!). Boy was I wrong! The minute she was born and I held her in my arms, my heart grew. I now had even more love for BOTH of my children! I learned that you don’t have a finite amount of love that has to be shared between however many children you have, but that your capacity to love grows exponentially with each child you have so that you never run out. This is by far the best change motherhood has brought to my life!

Thanks for sticking around for my top 6 list of things that are never the same once you have kids. I hope you can relate to some of these things and that I’m not totally crazy here!

What's in a Word Part 1 - What to Say

Have you ever been in one those situations where you later realized that you could have had a much better result if you had used different words? I know I have. I would bet that most of us have been in a situation like that. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are trying to achieve that we just bulldoze our way to it without thinking about how to most effectively get there.

This 4-part series of blog posts will shed a little light on how using the right words may help lead you to clearer communication and greater success not just in business, but in everyday life!

What are words? You might define them as “sounds and syllables grouped individually or together to convey specific information.” That is my definition, and if I take it at face value, I can see that there are many, many ways to convey information based on the words I use.

Back to bull dozing our way to an objective: let’s say you need some documentation from someone, perhaps a signed contract or a copy of an invoice. Let’s also say you need said documentation yesterday, so it is urgent that you receive it as soon as possible. In this digital age, you might type up an email as your first method of obtaining the information. Email is terrific because it allows you the time to think about what you want to say, say it, and then erase it and replace it if you need to. Phone calls don’t let you do this…more about that in a minute. You’re now frantically typing that email to the person from which you need to obtain the documentation and you are at a crossroads. What should you say? How should you phrase it? What words should you use in order to get the quickest response?

These are all valid questions, and ones I run into on a daily basis. Let me give you two examples of what you could say, and which one will yield the best result.

Example 1: Hello! I need this document today. Thanks.

Example 2: Hello! I am so sorry to come to you so urgently but if you could please provide this document at your earliest convenience today, I would so greatly appreciate it! Thanks so much for your assistance!

There you go. I asked the same exact question in two completely different ways. Which one do you think would get the better response? Why?

Let me break it down: Example 1 is all about me and my needs with absolutely no regard as to how my needs are a burden to the other person. It is direct, demanding, and comes across in a negative way.

Example 2 is different in so many ways. First of all, and most importantly, it is filled with humility and gratitude. Secondly, it is not in any way demanding but still conveys the urgent need for the requested information. It starts off with acknowledgement of the burden on the receiving party and then also thanks them for their help.

So, what IS in a word (or a sentence)? EVERYTHING! If I got an email like example 1, I would be angry at this person. Angry for their lack of preparation and then expectation that everyone else drop they are doing to help them avert a crisis. On the flip side, if I got an email like example 2, I would happily stop what I am doing and retrieve the document for the person because I can tell that they are truly grateful for the assist and they are apologetic in their approach.

But what if you needed to make a phone call instead of sending an email (I know, I know, this is an archaic method of communication that should never be heard of again HAHA!!)? You would say the exact same thing! If it is someone you know well, start off your call with some chit chat or shoot the breeze for a minute. Then move on to the purpose of your call: “Hey, it’s so great to chat but I’m actually calling for some assistance. When you have a brief moment today, could you please send me this document. I just realized I need it and am so sorry to ask you for it at the last minute, but I really appreciate your help!”

I have literally said those exact words to clients and colleagues many times and guess what, I get what I want in a matter of minutes!

If I called them up and said “send me this document right now” do you think I would get anything? NOPE!

As I mentioned earlier, when making a phone call, you don’t have the ability to erase and replace what you have said with something more effective so when you are actually speaking to someone, or about to speak to someone, know what you are going to say! Practice saying the words out loud so that you know how they sound and how they feel. Imagine if someone was asking you what you are asking of the other person and how you would respond. It’s cliché but treat others as you wish to be treated really does apply here. Speak to others as you wish to be spoken to and you will see great success with your communication!

Stay tuned for part 2!

Great Expectations

*Originally posted on my photography website. Hop on over to www.realshotsphotography.com to check out the latest and greatest happenings over there!*

We've all been there. We book an appointment of some kind, have an idea of how it should go, show up, and BAAM, it goes nothing like we thought it should. We leave feeling defeated, let down, maybe even angry. But why? What is it that causes us to feel this way?

Expectations. Improper or unfounded expectations are the cause of disappointment. So how can we overcome this in our daily interactions with clients, co-workers, and even family members?

That’s an easy one: TALK it out!!! If you have an idea or expectation of how someone should act or how something should turn out, discuss it. There is absolutely no way someone will live up to your expectations if you don’t tell them what you expect!

Let’s use photography as an example. If I book a session with a family of 5 (dad, mom, teenager, 2 younger kids) and I simply tell mom when and where to show up, what do you think her expectations are going to be?? If that were me, I’d expect that the photographer maybe didn’t know what they were doing or wasn’t interested in capturing the real essence of my family.

Take that same family. I have booked their session for 2 weeks away on a Friday evening at 6pm. Prior to even booking their session, I have asked mom some general questions in order to get an idea of what she is looking for in her session. After all, we are going to spend an entire hour together, we better make good use of it! Now that she has booked, I have asked her some more in-depth questions to get to KNOW her better. I would ask her what kind of location she has in mind and then I would give her 3 places to choose from. Once that is decided on, I then remind her that because her session is on a Friday evening, to plan extra travel time because traffic is notoriously bad at that time of the day, especially on Friday. Although it may seem irrelevant, or just common sense, mentioning the traffic and reminding her to plan accordingly helps to reiterate my interest in HER expectations regarding her experience with me.

Next, I ask her if she has a specific color scheme in mind or if she would like a style guide. Once that is determined, I ask her if there is anything specific she wants to capture. Maybe there is a specific pose or grouping she wants. Again, by asking what she wants out of her session, I KNOW her expectations and can deliver!

Lastly, once I have asked all the necessary questions to make sure the experience is going to be exactly what my clients expect, I let them know what to expect from me. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of setting expectations in your business.

As a general rule, when setting expectations with a client, you should always UNDER-promise and OVER-deliver! Let me say that again, UNDER-PROMISE AND OVER-DELIVER!! This will ensure that your client remembers their experience with you in a positive way! And that will occur because you set expectations AND THEN EXCEEDED THEM!

So, back to what I tell my clients to expect of me: I let them know how long it will take me to edit their images and deliver their gallery. I ALWAYS give myself more time than I need, just in case life happens (because let’s face it, life happens every.single.day. 😊). For example, for the family session above, I would tell mom that it will be 3 weeks from the session date before she receives her gallery. I also let her know that she will receive weekly updates as to the status of her gallery. Then, I aim to deliver the gallery within the first week, but if it doesn’t happen she gets the update and is happy! I also throw in a little bonus with the delivery of the gallery, but that is my little secret 😉 

I also send a sneak peek of one or two images by text message and social media (if she is okay with that—again, another expectation to set up-front is how you will deal with social media and if your client consents to you posting their images) within 72 hours to let her know that I am busy working on her images. I also let them know that I expect (and require per my contracts) that any images they post on their social media give must have proper photo credit. It’s crucial to remind them of this when delivering sneak peeks because you know they are going to save that image to their phone and blast it across the interwebs for their friends, family, and insta-stalkers to see!!

By setting proper expectations before even meeting a client and completing their session, I am able to provide a personal experience that is memorable and enjoyable for both my clients and for me! I mean, shouldn’t I get to have FUN as the photographer!! It’s not all about making money, there’s so much more to it than that!

The best way to ensure a great time for all is to COMMUNICATE clearly and stick to what you say! That’s why email and text messaging is so great! You can go back and review any conversations you have had so you don’t forget any details! If you do take a phone call or an in-person meeting with a client, be sure you have a notepad and a trustworthy pen so you can take detailed notes! (Trustworthy pens are important because it sucks when your pen dies on you mid-note-taking and your brain can’t hold the details long enough to get you through the conversation…)

So just remember, great expectations can be met with either great satisfaction or great disappointment, it’s up to YOU to get the reaction you want!

(I chose this picture because no matter how terrible local traffic is, it will NEVER EVER be as bad as L.A. at rush hour...or any other time of day haha!!!!)