6 Things That are Never the Same As a Mother

As moms we learn very quickly that life is never the same once children are added to the mix. What was once a controlled environment is now complete chaos with no order and generally no end in sight. As I was leaving work today, I happened to look into my purse and I see the following: stuffed panda bear from the safari park, one green binky with strap, half a dozen cocoa puffs, wub-a-nub (stuffed animal with binky attached), and miniature pair of sunglasses. 

Knowing that none of these things (except maybe the cocoa puffs…) were mine, I immediately giggled and thought to myself “typical mom purse!”

That thought then lead me down the path of other things that are definitively “mom-” once we have children. Sit back and enjoy the ride on this train of thought with me!

The top 6 things that are NEVER the same once you have children:

YOUR BODY

Aside from the 9 months of rib-spreading, hip-widening, skin-stretching baby growth that occurs, our bodies are never really the same once we have our first child. Mulitply that by the number of additional children you may have and holy bananas you have just aged yourself by like 200 years...whoa. But really, we are built for it. Women are tough. Our bodies create, house, and then push out these miniature humans and then we go back to our daily business within a pretty immediate period of time. Grab your glass of wine and toast with me because YOUR BODY IS AMAZING! 

Some of the things I noticed in my own body that became notably worse with baby #2 and will never go back to the way they were pre-children: my feet are like 2 inches wider than they used to be. Apparently this pesky hormone called relaxin is the culprit. It is also responsible for allowing our hips to move and the birth canal to become wide enough for the baby’s head to fit through. Okay, I guess that is necessary, but seriously, why do our feet have to become these paddles attached to our legs by our puffy little cankles and then never go away? So not fair. 

My “baby pouch” has also never gone away. You know what I mean--that loose part of your belly that no matter how many crunches or planks you do, NEVER GOES AWAY. If you have not yet had to deal with the lifelong baby pouch, congratulations. Just another daily reminder that our bodies, while totally awesome, will always bare the marks of pregnancy.

My hair is ridiculous. Seriously, I got so spoiled by my beautiful, shiny hair during my last pregnancy. In the 21 months since them, it has thinned out to where I’m almost certain I’m bald in a few spots, it is dry, super fine, and generally lifeless. This is why I live almost exclusively in hair-status: struggle bun. 

Stretch marks are like my shadow, follow me everywhere. My hips are now permanent seats for my baby to sit on while I’m standing...and the list goes on. 

YOUR HOUSE

Let’s face it, even the most neurotic of clean freaks can’t keep up with miniature people that destroy everything the moment it is cleaned. My advice: let it go and pay someone else to do the deep cleaning once a month while everyone is out of the house. At least then you aren’t cleaning and trying to wrangle the little devils all at the same time and the house will feel loved for a minute or two. In addition, your sanity will also be saved because you just delegated a necessary task to someone else (another toast, raise your glass!). 

I was never the tidiest person to start with but having kids took that to an entirely new level. I don’t even try to put things away anymore because inevitably, it won’t last. I do pay someone to come and do my deep cleaning once every 3-4 weeks and it seriously is the best thing! I don’t have to stress about trying to clean the whole house and spend my weekends working harder than I do during the week, I help out another mom who is trying to earn some extra cash, and my house gets to be clean for at least a few hours every month. Of course it only lasts until hubby and kids get home, but it’s enough to keep me sane for another few weeks.

YOUR PURSE

That should say purse-diaper bag-snack pack-catchall. Because for reals, your purse becomes the place where all of the things go. I have found used tissues, partially eaten pop-tarts, extra (or missing) binkies, dry cereal, stuffed animals, sippy cups, and diaper rash cream in my purse more than once...thankfully not all at the same time but I’m sure you can relate. Again, this is what inspired this entire article--your purse is no longer YOUR purse. It is the family purse and as such, will hold everything that everyone needs or doesn’t need or maybe will need at some point in the next 24 hours. Just laugh it off, they’re only little for a while...and then they’ll just find bigger things to put in your purse…

YOUR CAR

Just like your purse and house, your car is never the same. It is always dirty, messy, sticky, stinky, or crammed full of everyone else’s stuff. I have totally given up on a clean car. I have owned my current car for exactly 1 year and 10 days and have cleaned it out a total of 4 times. It’s kind of a quarterly thing for me...because if I tried to keep it clean any more often, I’d literally have to clean it out every single day, two or three times per day. At least it is just a machine and still runs well, regardless of how dirty the inside is. Disclaimer: my car is sanitary and not a total pigpen...it just has smashed crackers, ripped up mail, and empty water bottles all over the place.

YOUR MEMORY

This is a big one. Who here suffers from regular bouts of momnesia?? Anyone? I know I’m not the only one. You know what I’m talking about. Things you used to be sharp as a tack on now take days of thought processing just to recall. You can’t remember what you need from the grocery store unless it’s written down. Most of the time your keys are in some undisclosed and unknown location, your phone is locatable if it rings (hopefully it’s not dead or on silent), and you don’t remember if you showered this morning or not. I promise you this is normal. My theory is that once your first child is born, you donate every single available brain cell to that child. This process is repeated for each successive child so you have no spare brain power left. You just have enough to keep you alive and running on autopilot...hopefully haha!

YOUR HEART

Lastly, and most importantly, your heart is never the same. You think you know what love is before you have kids. You love your parents, close friends, and family members but NOTHING will ever come close to the love you experience for your children. I remember during my daughter’s pregnancy that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to love 2 children enough. That I wouldn’t be able to give her as much love as I’d want to since I already had her brother to love. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love him as much I had for the past 9 years (yes, there is a 9 year gap between my kids!). Boy was I wrong! The minute she was born and I held her in my arms, my heart grew. I now had even more love for BOTH of my children! I learned that you don’t have a finite amount of love that has to be shared between however many children you have, but that your capacity to love grows exponentially with each child you have so that you never run out. This is by far the best change motherhood has brought to my life!

Thanks for sticking around for my top 6 list of things that are never the same once you have kids. I hope you can relate to some of these things and that I’m not totally crazy here!

What's in a Word Part 1 - What to Say

Have you ever been in one those situations where you later realized that you could have had a much better result if you had used different words? I know I have. I would bet that most of us have been in a situation like that. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are trying to achieve that we just bulldoze our way to it without thinking about how to most effectively get there.

This 4-part series of blog posts will shed a little light on how using the right words may help lead you to clearer communication and greater success not just in business, but in everyday life!

What are words? You might define them as “sounds and syllables grouped individually or together to convey specific information.” That is my definition, and if I take it at face value, I can see that there are many, many ways to convey information based on the words I use.

Back to bull dozing our way to an objective: let’s say you need some documentation from someone, perhaps a signed contract or a copy of an invoice. Let’s also say you need said documentation yesterday, so it is urgent that you receive it as soon as possible. In this digital age, you might type up an email as your first method of obtaining the information. Email is terrific because it allows you the time to think about what you want to say, say it, and then erase it and replace it if you need to. Phone calls don’t let you do this…more about that in a minute. You’re now frantically typing that email to the person from which you need to obtain the documentation and you are at a crossroads. What should you say? How should you phrase it? What words should you use in order to get the quickest response?

These are all valid questions, and ones I run into on a daily basis. Let me give you two examples of what you could say, and which one will yield the best result.

Example 1: Hello! I need this document today. Thanks.

Example 2: Hello! I am so sorry to come to you so urgently but if you could please provide this document at your earliest convenience today, I would so greatly appreciate it! Thanks so much for your assistance!

There you go. I asked the same exact question in two completely different ways. Which one do you think would get the better response? Why?

Let me break it down: Example 1 is all about me and my needs with absolutely no regard as to how my needs are a burden to the other person. It is direct, demanding, and comes across in a negative way.

Example 2 is different in so many ways. First of all, and most importantly, it is filled with humility and gratitude. Secondly, it is not in any way demanding but still conveys the urgent need for the requested information. It starts off with acknowledgement of the burden on the receiving party and then also thanks them for their help.

So, what IS in a word (or a sentence)? EVERYTHING! If I got an email like example 1, I would be angry at this person. Angry for their lack of preparation and then expectation that everyone else drop they are doing to help them avert a crisis. On the flip side, if I got an email like example 2, I would happily stop what I am doing and retrieve the document for the person because I can tell that they are truly grateful for the assist and they are apologetic in their approach.

But what if you needed to make a phone call instead of sending an email (I know, I know, this is an archaic method of communication that should never be heard of again HAHA!!)? You would say the exact same thing! If it is someone you know well, start off your call with some chit chat or shoot the breeze for a minute. Then move on to the purpose of your call: “Hey, it’s so great to chat but I’m actually calling for some assistance. When you have a brief moment today, could you please send me this document. I just realized I need it and am so sorry to ask you for it at the last minute, but I really appreciate your help!”

I have literally said those exact words to clients and colleagues many times and guess what, I get what I want in a matter of minutes!

If I called them up and said “send me this document right now” do you think I would get anything? NOPE!

As I mentioned earlier, when making a phone call, you don’t have the ability to erase and replace what you have said with something more effective so when you are actually speaking to someone, or about to speak to someone, know what you are going to say! Practice saying the words out loud so that you know how they sound and how they feel. Imagine if someone was asking you what you are asking of the other person and how you would respond. It’s cliché but treat others as you wish to be treated really does apply here. Speak to others as you wish to be spoken to and you will see great success with your communication!

Stay tuned for part 2!

Great Expectations

*Originally posted on my photography website. Hop on over to www.realshotsphotography.com to check out the latest and greatest happenings over there!*

We've all been there. We book an appointment of some kind, have an idea of how it should go, show up, and BAAM, it goes nothing like we thought it should. We leave feeling defeated, let down, maybe even angry. But why? What is it that causes us to feel this way?

Expectations. Improper or unfounded expectations are the cause of disappointment. So how can we overcome this in our daily interactions with clients, co-workers, and even family members?

That’s an easy one: TALK it out!!! If you have an idea or expectation of how someone should act or how something should turn out, discuss it. There is absolutely no way someone will live up to your expectations if you don’t tell them what you expect!

Let’s use photography as an example. If I book a session with a family of 5 (dad, mom, teenager, 2 younger kids) and I simply tell mom when and where to show up, what do you think her expectations are going to be?? If that were me, I’d expect that the photographer maybe didn’t know what they were doing or wasn’t interested in capturing the real essence of my family.

Take that same family. I have booked their session for 2 weeks away on a Friday evening at 6pm. Prior to even booking their session, I have asked mom some general questions in order to get an idea of what she is looking for in her session. After all, we are going to spend an entire hour together, we better make good use of it! Now that she has booked, I have asked her some more in-depth questions to get to KNOW her better. I would ask her what kind of location she has in mind and then I would give her 3 places to choose from. Once that is decided on, I then remind her that because her session is on a Friday evening, to plan extra travel time because traffic is notoriously bad at that time of the day, especially on Friday. Although it may seem irrelevant, or just common sense, mentioning the traffic and reminding her to plan accordingly helps to reiterate my interest in HER expectations regarding her experience with me.

Next, I ask her if she has a specific color scheme in mind or if she would like a style guide. Once that is determined, I ask her if there is anything specific she wants to capture. Maybe there is a specific pose or grouping she wants. Again, by asking what she wants out of her session, I KNOW her expectations and can deliver!

Lastly, once I have asked all the necessary questions to make sure the experience is going to be exactly what my clients expect, I let them know what to expect from me. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of setting expectations in your business.

As a general rule, when setting expectations with a client, you should always UNDER-promise and OVER-deliver! Let me say that again, UNDER-PROMISE AND OVER-DELIVER!! This will ensure that your client remembers their experience with you in a positive way! And that will occur because you set expectations AND THEN EXCEEDED THEM!

So, back to what I tell my clients to expect of me: I let them know how long it will take me to edit their images and deliver their gallery. I ALWAYS give myself more time than I need, just in case life happens (because let’s face it, life happens every.single.day. 😊). For example, for the family session above, I would tell mom that it will be 3 weeks from the session date before she receives her gallery. I also let her know that she will receive weekly updates as to the status of her gallery. Then, I aim to deliver the gallery within the first week, but if it doesn’t happen she gets the update and is happy! I also throw in a little bonus with the delivery of the gallery, but that is my little secret 😉 

I also send a sneak peek of one or two images by text message and social media (if she is okay with that—again, another expectation to set up-front is how you will deal with social media and if your client consents to you posting their images) within 72 hours to let her know that I am busy working on her images. I also let them know that I expect (and require per my contracts) that any images they post on their social media give must have proper photo credit. It’s crucial to remind them of this when delivering sneak peeks because you know they are going to save that image to their phone and blast it across the interwebs for their friends, family, and insta-stalkers to see!!

By setting proper expectations before even meeting a client and completing their session, I am able to provide a personal experience that is memorable and enjoyable for both my clients and for me! I mean, shouldn’t I get to have FUN as the photographer!! It’s not all about making money, there’s so much more to it than that!

The best way to ensure a great time for all is to COMMUNICATE clearly and stick to what you say! That’s why email and text messaging is so great! You can go back and review any conversations you have had so you don’t forget any details! If you do take a phone call or an in-person meeting with a client, be sure you have a notepad and a trustworthy pen so you can take detailed notes! (Trustworthy pens are important because it sucks when your pen dies on you mid-note-taking and your brain can’t hold the details long enough to get you through the conversation…)

So just remember, great expectations can be met with either great satisfaction or great disappointment, it’s up to YOU to get the reaction you want!

(I chose this picture because no matter how terrible local traffic is, it will NEVER EVER be as bad as L.A. at rush hour...or any other time of day haha!!!!)

The Unseparated Church-State

I love Utah.  It is one of the most beautiful, geographically diverse places on the planet, and it is home.  I have spent all but 7 of my nearly 33 years in Utah and it is truly where my heart lies.  However, there are some things about it that rub me the wrong way.

Before I get into those things, let me just gloat on the good things about Utah first.  Other than along the Wasatch Front, it’s not crowded.  South of Spanish Fork, the most populated area is St. George and at its best, it boasts a population of maybe 115,000.  Now, to me that is still a big city because I grew up in a small farming town where in the whole western part of the county there was only about 4 or 5 thousand people total!  Anyway, we have it all in this state:  mountains, lakes and rivers, open meadows, pine and juniper forests, scenic drives, diverse wildlife, red rocks, granite caves, 5 national parks, numerous state parks, several national monuments and recreation areas, and even a glacier (unless it has totally melted by now).  With all of that comes an abundance of activities including skiing and snowboarding (greatest snow on earth-just check out our license plates), water sports, hiking, mountain biking, marathon running...the list goes on and on.  Literally the only thing we don’t have is an ocean with nice sandy beaches...unless you count the Great Salt Lake...

Anyway, all of that makes this place sound like heaven on earth, and among all of the things just listed, it is the home of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS), more commonly known as Mormons.  Now, before I continue I will say that I am indeed Mormon, however, I am not a “practicing” Mormon because organized religion just is not my thing.  I can have my own spiritual relationship with God without sitting in church every Sunday and participating in all the activities that go along with that.  I figure if I live my life in a good, meaningful way all the time, I’m doing alright.  And if that isn’t correct, then I guess I’ll be judged for that at my own day of reckoning.  It’s no one else’s place to judge me because I don’t actively participate in church functions.

Ok, back to the story.  As the dominant religion in the state, the better part of the population runs its life on the teachings, rules, and guidelines of the LDS church.  This is fine and dandy.  It is also fine and dandy that people in positions of authority, namely the state government, mostly are LDS.  After all, freedom of religion is a real thing in this country.  What is NOT fine and dandy though is when the church gets involved in the making or passing of laws and uses its influence to sway the lawmakers in this state to approve or oppose various laws.

Remember how I said that freedom of religion is a real thing?  Well, separation of church and state is also a real thing, at least in the other 49 states.  Utah was founded by Mormon pioneers fleeing religious persecution in the eastern half of the country so I get it that the whole basis of its existence started with the church.  However, once Utah became a state in 1896, the church *should* have left the government.  It didn’t.  Utah has and likely always will be, to some degree, a theocracy.

In case you’re wondering why this is a big deal, let me turn your attention to the most recent issue with the church overstepping its bounds.  There are two issues actually...last week a bill was presented in the state senate to increase the punishment against those who commit hate crimes.  Most notably against perpetrators of hate crimes against LGBT people.  Cool!  Yes, let’s please harshen the punishment for people that commit hate crimes, duh!  That just makes good sense.  No one should ever be a victim a crime just because they live a different lifestyle than someone else.  So what’s the problem?  The church issued a statement that it opposes the bill because

“The Utah Legislature achieved something extraordinary last year in arriving at legislation that protected both religious liberty rights and LGBT rights,” the church said in a statement. “Interests from both ends of the political spectrum are attempting to alter that balance. We believe that the careful balance achieved through being fair to all should be maintained.” (Credit to KUTV2 news for the quote, found here)

That statement is so vague it doesn’t even make sense.  No attempt to specify how or why the so-called “balance” would be altered by a bill that simply increases the punishment to those who commit hate crimes.  I’m still scratching my head on that.

What’s worse is that this statement actually persuaded some senators to vote against the bill!  Holy crap Batman...are you serious???  And what is even worse than that is the senator who presented the bill, who has spoken out against the Church’s involvement in lawmaking, will probably receive some sort of backlash from church leaders because of it!

Moving on...another recent and ongoing issue that the church has stuck its nose into is the potential of legalizing medical cannabis in Utah.  So many Utahns are stricken with chronic pain, autoimmune diseases, and other diseases that could benefit directly from the legalization of medical marijuana.  But it seems instead that the Church would rather have them rely on mass produced pharmaceutical drugs (which likely carry a higher rate of abuse and addiction and many times don’t work) than use a natural remedy to ease their suffering.

Anyhow, there are currently 2 bills being presented in the House of Representatives concerning legalization of medical marijuana.  The Church publicly opposed the first bill because it focuses on legalizing whole-plant cannabis for medical use.  It has no objection to the second bill because it focuses only on extracts of cannabis with “trace amounts of THC.”  There are benefits to both and in my humble opinion, both should be allowed.  Of course there are limitations and regulations that would need to be followed, as with any other prescription drug, but this needs to happen for the sake of our friends and families who suffer without relief on a daily basis.

Yesterday a headline was released that lawmakers are amending the bills to “make it more palatable to the Church.”  Now why in the hell are we even giving heed to the Church’s opinion on this???  If the church wants to be involved in lawmaking, it better give up its tax-free status and pay taxes like the rest of us.  But really...if the folks who make our laws can’t put religion aside and do their job, we need to vote them out and get some people in there that can.

When reporting on this issue, FOX13 news in Salt Lake City said this:

“...LDS Church could influence the bill’s chance at success in the coming weeks...The LDS Church, a powerful institution in the state of Utah, carries some sway in the legislature, where a majority of lawmakers are members of the Mormon faith. The Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City has told FOX 13 it is not taking any position on the medical marijuana legislation presently.”

          (click here for the whole story from FOX13)

In this case, I think our church leaders need to take a page out of the Catholic play book and stay out of the lawmaking process.  They are hindering far more than they are helping anyone right now.  Not to mention the bad publicity they are attracting...

To my friends who are suffering in pain and need this bill passed, keep fighting for it.  To those who oppose it simply because the Church officials oppose it, do your research, talk to those who support it and would benefit from it and then make your OWN educated decision.  If you then decide to oppose it, great, just don’t be a sheep and blindly follow.  Separation of church and state in the government needs to happen and some separation within ourselves is also necessary.  We all have to make decisions that we feel are correct but do so after educating yourself on the matter.

That is all...for now

Distracted Parenting

Ok, this one might get a little heated...

I saw yet another article today about a toddler who was left in a car and died.  All I can think is WHY AND HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?  Have we gotten so wrapped in our own personal bubble that we can’t even take care of our own offspring anymore?  We are controlled by our cell phones and devices and never leave home (or the car or the commode) without them but we can’t remember to grab our kids out of the damn car?

I’m a parent.  I know exactly what it’s like to be running on no sleep for 2 days while having to drop the kidlet off, run errands, work 9 hours, retrieve the kidlet, run more errands, and safely deliver everyone and everything home.  I get it, adulting is hard work, but NEVER ever ever have I forgotten my kid in the car...

As a general rule, my kid is priority numero uno.  Has been since the day I found out I was pregnant.  Nothing else is ever nearly as important as his safety and well-being.  Again, as a parent, I cannot for the life of me figure out how parents “accidentally” leave their child in a vehicle and go on about their day.  You “accidentally” leave your wallet or your sunglasses in the car (God forbid you leave your phone in the car...you’d run back at cheetah speed to get that...) but you don’t “accidentally” leave your child in the car.  If you can’t handle the responsibility of ensuring your child’s safety, maybe you shouldn’t have one.  There, I said it.  You may all get mad and quit reading now if you choose...

If you are still here, cool.  I am going to continue rambling on for a minute about how devices control us and our children annoy us...when it should be the other way around. I’m not tooting my own horn here and I definitely don’t qualify for the parent of the year award, BUT I can say that I am aware of my child at all times and I am always aware of the responsibility I have to care for him.  

Now I love my technology as much as the next guy but there is a time and place to let it consume my brain cells one by one.  That time is NOT when I have the responsibility of ensuring my child’s safety.  Sure, when we are safe at home for the night and he is busy building some crazed ninja warship with the 1,285,899 Legos he has, then I’m all about trolling Facebook and checking out the newest Instagram fad.

People, please please please, quit being distracted, mentally-absent parents and TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS.  “I forgot” is not an excuse for leaving your kid in the car...EVER.  If you are the forgetful type, set an alarm on your cell phone (because as we already covered, you are never without it) or write a note for yourself and put it on the dashboard of the car.  If you are distracted, tell someone you are so that they can help keep you in check.  Do whatever you have to do make sure you DON’T forget about your kid.  I swear if I see one more article about a child dying in a hot car I’m going to lose my mind.  For the love of God (and your children), pay attention, be attentive, be present, BE A PARENT!

For the Love...

Don’t let that title fool you…I mean it in every sarcastic way possible.  I mean really…shouldn’t we celebrate our love for each other EVERY day??  Perhaps I am a bit humbug-ish about it but allow me to explain…

For years now we (and by “we” I mean full grown, fairly intelligent adults) have all been tricked into thinking this is a holiday.  If it’s a true holiday, shouldn't the banks, schools, and every U.S. government agency on the planet be closed?  Wait a minute, that would mean I should get a day off for it too…of course, this year, it’s on a Saturday so technically we are off…but I digress…

Anyway, why aren't we acting out of love EVERY day??? Each moment with someone special (or anyone for that matter) should be treated as a special occasion because you never know if it will be the last one you get.

In my travels through the suck-you-in-so-deep-you-can-never-escape vacuum of social media today, I came across so many mushy, pink heart speckled, over the top cyber displays of affection I almost hurled.  Of course I’m being very cynical right now for the fun of it but I think I’m on to something.

Let me use my own relationship as an example.  I personally don’t care too much for all of the hullabaloo surrounding February 14^th.  My husband and I express our love for each other on a daily basis so it really makes no sense to devote a whole day to doing it.  I never want him to feel obliged to buy me flowers, stuffed animals, chocolates, or whatever else because it’s Valentine’s Day.  Buy me flowers on a random day in May if you want, or take me to dinner on a Wednesday…it’s much better when it’s totally unexpected and unobligated.

Now I can totally appreciate the fact that this year, V-day is on a Saturday and that means most of us have the day and night off to actually spend with our significant others.  By all means, take advantage of the time you can spend together, but don’t do it because the calendar says it’s a holiday.  Let’s take just a moment to determine how this “holiday” even came to be…

According to the History Channel, Valentine’s Day began many many moons ago as a pagan ritual in which an animal was sacrificed and then strips of its bloody skin were used to spank young women.  This was done to bring them fertility.  Hmm, that’s awkward…

Later in the year 3 A.D., the romans were engaged in battle (of course…) and the ruler, Claudius, didn’t want his men distracted by love and marriage.  The priest that went to battle with the troops, Father Valentine, was banned from performing marriages.  However he secretly continued to perform marriages for young lovers, against the emperor’s wishes.  The emperor grew wise to this and sentenced Father Valentine to death.  It is said that many of the young lovers that he married would visit him in prison and bring him flowers and gifts as tokens of their appreciation.  Legend has it that Father Valentine fell in love with his jailer’s daughter and on the day of his execution, left her a note.  That note closed with “From your Valentine.”  And so from that, our current interpretation of Valentine’s Day evolved.

Enough with the history lesson…back to the real issue here.  These days, holidays are all about money, and another factoid I learned from the History Channel is that retailers reign in roughly fourteen billion, that’s $14,000,000,000 (9 zeros, count them…), in cash every year just for Valentine’s Day!  Holy shiz people, that’s a metric truckload of cash right there…and for what?  A box of sugar that will take a month to recover from and flowers that will die in a week?  I’ve got an idea, save your money and express your love by the little things that you do for each other EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! (ß That’s my “I’m yelling at my computer” font J)

Ok, to switch to the other side for a moment…I LOVE fresh flowers.  I love even more when I receive fresh flowers from my other half.  What I absolutely do NOT love is that on this day, a nice bouquet of flowers and maybe a nice vase to put them in costs around 60-100 dollars, with delivery.  Any other random time of the year, that same nice arrangement of flowers and vase would top out at about 40 bucks, if that!  And those chocolates?  Don’t even get me started there…my husband knows better than to buy me chocolate because I won’t eat it.  He knows the way to my heart, and it’s definitely not in wasting money on things I won’t enjoy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love date night as much as the next girl, but I don’t want either one of us to ever feel like we HAVE to do something special for the other.  I like it so much more when my hubs helps out around the house, or allows me to take a Saturday afternoon nap even though he’s the one that worked 60 plus hours in a week, or my favorite: when my feet are cold and he lets me put them on his oh-so-warm legs!!  The point is, we express our love to each other constantly in the little things that we do for each other.  Maybe it’s because we have spent most of our marriage apart and we greatly appreciate the time we do get together…or maybe we are just a different kind of people that don’t get all caught up in the craziness of the world (that’s probably more like it…my hubs doesn’t even have a facebook account or know how to turn on a computer…).

Well, I’m done ranting and raving about this for now.  But seriously, before you run out and spend way more than you should on this lovely February 14^th, think about how you can show love to your special someone every day.  Peace and love to all, thanks for reading!

The Once and Future Language, Part 2

Okay, I am back for part 2 of my ramblings about the evolution of the English language…As mentioned in Part 1, I took this History of the English Language class a few years ago in one of my last semesters of college and had to right a couple of research essays to complete the course.  Since posting Part 1 a couple of weeks ago, I ran across a perfect example of what I was talking about in Part 1.  I read an article that discussed the most commonly used words in 2014.  The most used word in the last year was “bae”…what the fudge is that supposed to be??  I guess it’s a “word” to describe one’s significant other but I always thought that words like “partner” or “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “lover” were ways to refer to a special person in one’s life…I guess I’m just old fashioned (or maybe just old) and not up to speed on my 21^st century lingo.

As the term seems to have been coined by teens and early 20-somethings I would say this is a classic example of a new generation making changes to the "norm"…but this isn't about the younger generations coming along and stirring the pot of all that is good and well in the world so back to my essay...

Anyway, as a music major, I was able to integrate the evolution (yes I really just used a scientific term in an opinion post…) of western music into the second of my required essays for this class.  Unlike the first essay, which was more of a specific depiction of the growth and digression of the English language (and can be found here), this essay is more of a contrast-and-compare narrative.  It was also used as a summary for each student’s thoughts on the class.

Again my disclaimer: this is a formal essay complete with source list (I believe they are still calling it a bibliography) and references…read at your own risk! ;)

Originally written in April 2012

            I am a music major.  I would take music classes all day long for the rest of my life if I could!  Unfortunately, even music majors have to take some non-music classes.  It has been nearly 10 years since I have taken an English class and although I feel I can write well and have a good sense of proper speech and grammar, English has never been a strong subject for me.  I am a slow reader and don’t really like to read much.  Because of this I have avoided literature classes as much as possible, however, as I near the completion of my Bachelor Degree at Dixie State (University), I find myself in need of some upper division non-music electives.  I decided to take the History of English class as one of those electives.

           

There are a few reasons why I chose this class over some others that were being offered.  First of all, the course description made it sound interesting.  Many of the other available courses sounded like they may just bore me to tears!  I have difficulty staying interested in things that aren’t my main area of study so I felt it very important to choose a class that I could stay interested in throughout the semester.  Luckily I have stayed interested in this class and even enjoyed it.  Although, I will admit that at times, the amount of reading required has been very overwhelming and hard to get through!

            Another reason I chose the History of English course is that it was offered online.  With several other classes, full-time work, and a son, my time is already spread pretty thin and the ability to complete a 3 credit class at home and at my convenience was very appealing.  This class carries a pretty heavy workload as far as the weekly reading goes, but being able to work the class around my schedule makes it worth it.   

           

The main reason I chose this class is that I wanted to see how the evolution of the English language (and language in general) compares to the evolution of music.  There are many similarities in the ways that both music and language have developed over the centuries.  One of the most obvious similarities that I have discovered in this class is that the innovations and developments that have shaped both music and language are nearly identical.  For example, in the 14^th century, Chaucer transformed Middle English and began to use it in ways never before seen.  “Although he did not coin many new words, he deployed an emerging vocabulary in a new and critically effective way” (Lerer 84). 

           

Fast forward several hundred years to the mid-19^th century and you have the same thing happening in the music world.  One of the most famous composers in history, Richard Wagner, was transforming the way music was composed and performed.  Like Chaucer, Wagner took the elements that were available to him and found new ways to put them together to create a new element.  “Wagner found his own unique musical language…Wagner experimented with modulation and the key system, discovering ways of moving seamlessly to the remotest of keys with enormous emotional effect” (Burrows 252).

           Another similarity I discovered between the histories of music and English is that there are a few “chosen” ones who have had such a great impact in their developments, that, they now reign as symbols over them.  Shakespeare created hundreds, maybe thousands of new words in his time thereby expanding the language and making it accessible to many more citizens.  He also began to use language in a theatrical setting which was a way to communicate with people that had not been used before.  Now, if someone mentions theater, most people immediately think of Shakespeare.  After learning about Shakespeare, I decided that Mozart was the “Shakespeare of Music”.  Having written over 600 compositions in under 30 years, Mozart’s contribution to music is very similar to Shakespeare’s contribution to English.  Both were such gifted, prolific writers and they each laid the foundations for future developments of their respective fields.

           

I really enjoyed learning how, from its beginning, English has been a kind of language “soup”.  I didn’t know that it was part of the Germanic family of languages so I found that very interesting.  I never realized how much the Latin and French languages influenced early English either.  I enjoyed learning how new patterns were developed by the translation of French phrases into English and also how the culture was divided by language.  Just as in the 13^th century when English was the language of the common people, French was the language of the upper class and government, and Latin was the language of the church, I think that even today, culture can be divided and labeled by its “voice”.  Take a modern city such as New York, New York.  In that one city, there has to be at least 10 different “voices”, each based on social status and probably ethnicity.  In this case, it isn’t always different languages that define the classes but different dialects of languages.  It’s like culture in 3 voices on a much smaller scale.

            One of the things I enjoyed most about this class is that I can, in a way, step back in time and imagine what it may have been like to exist before all the modern conveniences we now enjoy.  500 years ago, you couldn’t just send an email or make a quick phone call…you may not have been able to walk up to someone on the street and just start a conversation.  That person may not even speak the same language as you, or worse, they may be in a different social class and it could be against the rules to talk to them.  How lucky are we to live in the time that we do when a fair portion of the world speaks the same language and communication is such an easy feat to achieve…or, are we really lucky at all?

            As strange as it sounds, I enjoyed writing my essays for this class.  My first essay was about the potential future of the English language and how it seems to be digressing into an unrecognizable blend of syntax and rhetoric.  With the population of the Earth nearing 7 billion, it seems like a good idea to have a universal language that is a well pureed mix of languages from across the world but with that, we lose the purity and beauty of what I would call native languages.  That is one thing that I love about music.  No matter where you go or what language you may speak, music is universal.  Styles vary across the world, but the elements don’t change.  Middle C is middle C regardless, has been for hundreds of years and will continue to be for hundreds more.  As I worked on my first essay, I was saddened to learn how badly “pure” English has been tainted over the last 30-40 years.  Of course, English in its earliest form was a blend of French, Latin, and English so the definition of pure English varies depending on who you are talking to, but anyone who is old enough to remember a time without computers would likely agree that the language has taken a brutal beating over the last few decades.

            In closing, I will say that I definitely learned more about our spoken language and its journey over the last millennium.  I have been able to use what I know about the history and development of western music to help me understand the evolution of English.  I find that the similarities between music and language are astonishing and I have enjoyed comparing them.  Language and music go hand in hand and form the basis and identity of every culture on the planet; as language and music change, culture changes and as culture changes, the world changes. 

Sources

1.     Lerer, Seth. Inventing English: A Portable History of the Language. New York: Columbia UP, 2007. Print.

2.     Burrows, John, ed. Classical Music. New York: Metro, 2010. Print.

3.     Bonds, Mark Evan. A History of Music in Western Culture: Combined Volume. 3rd ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 2010. Print. 

The Once and Future Language (Part 1)

Oh man I have been universally absent from the blog world for the last year and a half!  I promise I am trying hard to get back to posting witty nonsense every week or two.  Until I have a chance to come up with some new content though I will share with you some randomness that may interest you or it may just bore you to tears of agony.  Either way, I’m putting it out there!!

I was bored for about a millisecond today and decided to go back and read through some of my college papers.  I took this class in the spring 2012 semester called The History of the English Language.  It was an online class so instead of in-person discussions, we wrote…a lot!  Fine by me, I don’t like people well enough to sit in a class and argue with them about why their shorthand, chicken-scratch version of writing and speaking is BS so writing was no problem!

We were required to do a bit of research and come up with 2 essays discussing a certain assigned topic.  My assigned topic was something along the lines of comparing and contrasting Old, Middle, and Modern English.  Sounds terrible but it was actually quite fun.  I don’t really love research (unless it’s a topic I am voluntarily researching) but we were only required to have 3 sources so it wasn’t so bad.  I decided to go with the minimum of 3 and build the rest of my essay on my own opinions and experiences.  I should mention that I was one of, or quite possibly, the oldest person in the class and therefore about the only one that remembers a day and age without the internet and cell phones at the ready.

Anyway, I decided that I would simply share my essays with you all in a 2 part post.  There are so many problems in the world today that I could discuss, but I chose instead to simply throw something that goes virtually ignored out there for you all to toss around…or run away from…whatever!  Here you go!

Warning: this is a formal essay complete with source list (I believe they are still calling it a bibliography) and references…read at your own risk! ;)

(Originally written on March 14, 2012)

Of Context and Culture: The Future of Our Language

            What is language?  Simply put, it is the collection and use of words that are used for communication between people.  We all know that language is in fact, much more complicated than that however.  Language is indeed our means of communication but it is constantly being shaped and influenced by culture, beliefs, ethnic diversity, scientific advancement, movement of people, war and conflict, and social influences.  Technological innovations such as email and text messaging have likely affected the evolution of communication and language more than any other events in history; perhaps even more so than the Norman invasion of England in 1066! 

           

            Coupled with the incessant need for instant gratification and sheer laziness, these innovations have caused a rapid change in the way the English language is used today and leads to the question: is our language un-evolving?  Is the English of the future going to look more like Old and Middle English than it does our current modern language?  Or, will it be a myriad of words from various languages that are referred to collectively as English? 

            The answer to each of these questions is yes.  Rather than un-evolving, our language is just continuing to evolve as it has for at least 15 centuries now.  The only difference now is that it is changing much quicker than it has in the past.  Unlike in prior centuries, the speed with which people can now move from place to place and communicate with each other is such that languages are able to evolve over the course of a lifetime rather than over a few centuries. 

            Fifty, twenty, possibly even as few as ten years ago the art of communication was much different that it is today.  Back then communication took time.  It could take hours to sit and write a letter to someone, not to mention the three to seven days it took for the post office to deliver the letter.  Talking on the telephone meant confining oneself to a space equal to the length of the phone cord (driving and talking on the phone at the same time was not an option!).  Email wasn’t invented or available to the public yet and cell phone and internet use were so limited that they had very little influence on language and communication. 

           

            Then something happened.  The advent of and public accessibility to computers and the internet changed everything.          The age of electronic communication had begun.

             

            Email and text messaging have expedited changes in language and communication. People are constantly looking for ways to converse with each other more quickly and with less effort.  In The Cambridge Encyclopedia of the English Language, David Crystal said “They [electronic messages] are preferred over other methods [of communication] because they can be the most economical way of sending or receiving information…they do not require the participants to engage in time-consuming rituals of a phatic kind (asking about health, family, weather, etc…).  In other circumstances, a conversation which omitted such pleasantries would be considered rude.” (Crystal, 392).  It may be rude, but the shortened condensed version of conversation used in electronic communication gets rid of time wasting chit chat as people speed about, living life in the fast lane.

            This “quick-fix” approach to communication has lead to irreversible changes in the English language.  Those changes include (among other things): the use of acronyms as words, the use of numbers in place of letters or groups of letters that sound similar to the number, the exclusion of vowels and consonants in order to shorten words, and the combination of two or more words to create one shorter all-inclusive word.

           

            The lengthy list of acronyms that now function as words includes IDK, OMG, NBD, & LOL, but the list goes on and on.  These are just a few of the new “words” that are commonly used in the English language today.  The use of these acronyms as replacements for standard phrases like "I don't know" and "no bid deal" is a daily practice for many people, but these new “words” are just as confusing to many people as Old & Middle English because they are unfamiliar. To older generations, the English of the future may make little or no sense, just like older forms of English make no sense (to most of us).

           

            It could be said that many of the words and/or abbreviations that have worked their way into our current language more closely resemble words from the time of Caedmon and Old English than of the 21st century.  Like in words from the time of Caedmon, vowels are used but don’t seem to be positioned in a way that can be easily pronounced.  However, as with Old English or any other language, if the context is known and the reader understands the vocabulary being used, they can easily decipher the message. 

            Other ways that the English language is changing is through the use of numbers in place of letters that sound similar to the number and the exclusion of vowels.  For example, the word tomorrow is often spelled 2mro in text messages or emails.  This spelling not only replaces a group of letters with a number that is pronounced the same way, but it also shows the exclusion of nearly every vowel in the word.  Another example, the word anyone, is often replaced with n e 1 in order to shorten the time it takes to create a text message.  Other examples include great (gr8), see you later (c u l8r), and by the way (btw).  Initially, these spellings simply made it quicker and easier to type a message on a the tiny keypad of a cell phone but with hundreds of millions of people worldwide using these on daily basis, the English language is changing right under our noses (or perhaps our fingertips).

           

            Omission of consonants is becoming more common in English.  The suffix “-ing” is rarely pronounced properly in today’s English.  More often than not, the “g” is left off and the pronunciation ends up as “-in”.  A few examples of this are: walking (walkin), wondering (wonderin), and thinking (thinkin).  According to dictionary.com, this variation of “-ing” was used occasionally in Middle English, however, it is probably safe to say that regular use of “-in” instead of “-ing” didn’t occur until the mid to late 20^th century.

           

            Another process that is noticeably changing English is the combining of two or more words to create a shorter more inclusive word.  Common examples of this include Idunno (I don’t know), gonna (going to), gotta (got to), and whatchadoin (what are you doing?).  It could be said that this is a blatant display of both laziness and the “do more in less time” mentality that many people live with.

            Although they may have had the greatest impact on the evolution of the English language, the reasons listed above are not solely to blame for the vast, rapid changes it has endured.  Prior to the 20^th century, most people were limited to their native lands.  Aside from invasions and conquests, people kept to their homelands and their cultures remained untainted (or at least less tainted by outside influences).  Passage by ship or horse drawn carriage was the only means of travel available.  As a result, languages also remained more pure and changed at a much slower rate. 

            Advancements in travel, in addition to mass communication, the internet, etc, have had a great impact on how people, and therefore language and culture, spread out across the planet.  Yet these developments that have helped spread the English language across the world may be the very things that endanger it in the future.  In a 2008 article for Forbes.com, Nicholas Ostler writes “English is not thereby immune to the principles of language survival. Above all, it is notable that beyond the 330 million or so native speakers, perhaps twice as many more use it as a second language.  The community of over 600 million second-language speakers, who make English pre-eminent as a world language, also make it vulnerable in the long term.” 

            Ostler goes on to say that “In sum, the world in the next few generations is likely to see greater multilingualism and less English-backed bilingualism. We can learn the long view from language history, but it may be a hard lesson.”  He is illustrating that because people can move about so freely, the English language is being infiltrated by words from other languages to the point that eventually, it will exist as a generic world-language rather than a specific mother-tongue.

            Although it is unlikely that such an extreme dilution of the language will occur in this lifetime, it is reasonable to state that the English language is already on a path toward globalization and becoming the tongue of the world.  Unless it is preserved by current native speakers, English as it has been known for the last few centuries will not exist in the future. 

Sources

1.     Ostler, Nicholas. "English's Bleak Future." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 21 Feb. 2008. Web. 14 Mar. 2012. http://www.forbes.com/2008/02/21/future-english-chinese-tech-cx_no_language_sp08_0221lingua.html

2.     Graddol, David. The Future of English. London: British Council, 1997. Web. 14 Mar. 2012. http://www.britishcouncil.org/learning-elt-future.pdf

3.     Lerer, Seth. Inventing English: A Portable History of the Language. New York: Columbia UP, 2007. Print.

4.     Crystal, David. The Cambridge Encyclopedia of the English Language. Cambridge England: Cambridge UP, 1995. Print.

5.     "-ing." Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com. Web. 15 Mar. 2012. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/-ing?r=75

Thank You Boot Camp!

So, I know that usually my posts contain rantings about things that I have various opinions on but now that I’m in the military I have to be more careful about voicing my opinions in public!  SOOOO, this time I have decided to reflect a little on my experience at boot camp with a little poem…enjoy!

Thank You Boot Camp

From the minute we stood on the yellow footprints

Everything changed not to be the same since

There we all watched our identities fade

And the chaos begin as the ground rules were laid

There was no more I, no me, us, or we

Only this recruit, that recruit, for the USMC

It wasn’t all bad and we learned pretty fast

That each day was planned and the pain wouldn’t last

From MCMAP to the range, the weeks flew by quicker

We all got stronger and our accents got thicker

We ran and we pushed from the field to the sand

Time spent at the beach was better on land!

The holidays came, and then went without warning

But gave us some extra free time in the morning

We laughed and we cried but never lost sight

Of the training day countdown, of that we knew right

So now that it’s over and the title’s been earned

We pause to give thanks for the things we have learned

We learned to scream louder, push harder, eat faster

And whatever was needed to please the drill master

In the wind and the rain, from the cold to the heat

With rifles in tow, we marched every street

We suffered together to strengthen our bond

We were sisters-in-arms when grad day dawned

So thank you boot camp for taking this girl

Who decided to try something out of this world

And for the DI’s who weren’t terribly mean

But made me into a US Marine!

Semper Fi!!